Full Disclosure or Let Go

Marriage Counseling Insider secret for Saving Your Marriage: : Full Disclosure or Let Go


By Fred R. Talisman Licensed Marriage Counselor

I’ve been doing couples counseling for over 20 years. During that time, I‘ve specialized in saving marriages that were on the verge of ending even when only one person still wanted the relationship to work and even when they had no hope that it could be saved.

Recent question from a reader:

Dear Fred,


My husband and I broke up 3 months ago. We reconciled a week ago. He had another lover during the time we were apart. A part of me wants to grill him until I get all the details about what happened. Another part of me thinks that’s the worst thing I can do. I have a friend in a similar situation. She is so obsessed about what happened during her breakup that she is constantly questioning her husband for all the details. She has a hard time sleeping now and is stuffing herself all the time with food. I don’t want to wind up like her. I want to save my marriage. What should I do?

Distressed Wife.


Hi Distressed Wife,


You are wise to think this through.  This is a common marriage problem that I’ve run across over the years I’ve been doing marriage therapy. Here’s what I’ve seen from my experience as a marital counselor. The person in your position has the illusion that if they “get all the facts” they can put it behind them. With rare exception, I see the opposite happening. The more information they pull out of their partner, the more upset they feel, the more questions they have and the more they push their partner away. It’s like a bottomless pit. As a couples therapist here’s what I would advice a good friend or a family member that called me with the same concern. It would be much wiser for you to get an excellent counselor or coach to help you put this behind you and for both of you to work with a relationship saving marriage therapist together to address and resolve the underlying issues that caused the initial breakup in the first place.


Best wishes,


Free Initial Save Your Relationship Consultation With Fred Talisman MFT

The best way to know if I can help you to save your relationship is to give me a call right now at 310 321-4658 or to email me at [email protected]. Once I briefly hear from you more specifically about your situation, I can be more accurate in answering the question weather or not I think I can help you to save your relationship. This consultation, by phone, will take about 10-15 minutes. There is no charge for that initial feedback from me. If you are more comfortable, you can email me your questions at [email protected]


P.S. As part of the couples therapy I do, I sometimes recommend inspiring dvds for couples to watch together. I just watched a wonderful dvd, “A Smile As Big As The Moon.” It’s based on a true story.